05.NOV.2011
7:53P

it is done.

and your black, three-legged, golden-eyed cat lives in my house now. a constant reminder.

and i've had so much to say about wanting and needing and loving and hurting and bike rides through city streets and tattooed arms and running away and the future and nervous feet and shit luck and everyone else, but when the real thing comes, when the heartbreak actually happens (and this. this is the first one. all the others pale in comparison. that was nothing), i can't get my mouth to move. my eyes close. everything stops.

we're standing alongside the road, kicking leaves, putting off the inevitable.

"i didn't sign the card they got for you. i'm.." staringatfeet, pleasedon'tcry, "i'm terrible at that stuff, and anyway, i.. there'stoomanywords." i mumble the last part, a car passes, i'm sure you didn't hear me, but you hug me as i start to cry, and you sing me a song about how everything will be ok and how you're not abandoning me, and how i have him now, and how he is a good person (and how rarely you think that), and i can't let go i can't let go i can't let go i can't let go and the last thing you say, of course, of course, of courseofcourseofcourse,

"i love you."
"i love you, too."