four december
twelve : twenty-three a.m.

"i love you. i love you so much. sometimes, i think about you, and how much i love you, and i just want to do everything. it's hard to explain. i just have to do everything. it's more than happy. i don't know. sometimes..i can feel my heart beating out of my chest. sometimes, things are so wonderful, i wouldn't even be able to imagine..do you ever feel that way?"

"yes."

"nothing seems to matter. everything just happens really quickly, and before i think to make sense of it, something else happens. sometimes, it's just the littlest things. once, a couple years ago, sam and i were going to go to our dad's for christmas or thanksgiving or something, and i didn't really want to go. and joe was staying with us the night before we left, and the flyers were playing the redwings, and it was a really close game, and everyone was scoring. and during the intermissions we had found a secret place in this race car video game, and you could do tricks and stuff. the three of us played it all night. i don't know why, but it was the most fun thing in the world."

he speaks so beautifully, and he never realizes it.