fourteen august
one : twenty-two a.m.

i told myself that i wouldn't cry while he was gone. and i haven't. but i can feel it coming. its right behind my eyes and right in the middle of my throat.

i took a shower, and changed into pajamas, and started to pack. i put some pants and sweaters into a laundry basket, and my hands started shaking. eventually, i got so nervous that i had to leave my room and come downstairs. i won't be able to sleep tonight.

"the truth is that this is a really good thing," she said. "you'll be learning to live without being near each other."

"i'm not going to cry now. i don't have a reason to cry right now. i'll cry tomorrow. i don't want to right now. i don't."

"alright. want to change the subject?"

"i don't know. i don't want to think."