sixteen april
eleven : fifty-one

sometimes i'm so motivated. i want to clean the windows and sweep the floors and turn on the music and accomplish things.

and sometimes i find it terribly difficult to move. its so hard to pick up my mug of tea right now.

"i wish i could remove myself from myself," he says as we talk about it. we talk about everything except the one thing that really needs talking about.

there are days when all i want to do is be outside and be happy and be smiling. and i'll genuinely be that way until i start thinking. then it all drains out of me. and i don't even know what i'm thinking about anymore. i don't know what it is that upsets me.